The Back Porch

Occasionally I give people compliments.

Yes, I know, this comes as quite a shock to a few of you. Let’s just say that there is a reason I have not given you any, and you can figure out what that reason is on your own time.

When I perform this outrageous act that we call appreciation, it is typically received with a variety of responses, however all of the responses typically fall into three categories, two of which will be discussed here at length. The responses are: Ignorance (because I mumble a lot, and people often can’t hear me), denial, or thanks, which is typically accompanied by return appreciation.

Something that frustrates me to no end is the second response. The last is ideal, and the first is annoying, but that second response… Honestly, it just pisses me off.

That’s right, a Christian web site that has a variation of the word “piss” on it. I make jokes too.

I think the reason that it bothers me so much is that frankly it is kind of an arrogant thing to do. This very much is contrary to the response the complimentee thought they were giving.

I do not know if this is a typical American characteristic, or a human response in general, but we seem to confuse humility with self-deprecation. So in an attempt to be (read: appear) humble, we often downplay a compliment as soon as we can.

The trap, however, is that this is actually more often than not a really arrogant thing to do. We are saying that we know more than the person delivering a compliment. If somebody says we have a nice haircut, and we tell them the haircut is actually crap, the suggestion is that they do not know anything about haircuts. It may be true that this person has no formalized training in haircut appreciation, but the real purpose of the compliment was not to make observation for the purpose of an academic journal; the purpose was to be nice. As such, it really is not appropriate to make any suggestion, either real or implied, that they know nothing of haircuts. You probably also shouldn’t refer to them as a dumb bass, for the obvious misinterpretations available.

The most humble and most generous response when somebody compliments you is to simply say, “Thank you.” Whenever I offer up a compliment to someone, and they try to push it off, deny it, or outright argue against it, I feel cheated. It is hard enough for me to be a nice guy every once in awhile without the additional obstacle of trying to blast my argument through all of your defenses.

So, just say thanks, ok?

In my next article, I’m going to take this idea to another level by applying it to our relationship with Christ. After all, how often to we downplay a gift that God has given us, and in doing so really waste the gift altogether?

Keep it real, folks.

Peter